Forgive and Forget; or Reconcile and Remember?

To forgive somebody is to say one way or another, “You have done something unspeakable, and by all rights I should call it quits between us. Both my pride and my principles demand no less. However, although I make no guarantees that I will be able to forget what you’ve done and though we may both carry the scars for life, I refuse to let it stand between us. I still want you for my friend.”

To accept forgiveness, means to admit that you’ve done something unspeakable that needs to be forgiven, and thus both parties must swallow the same thing: their pride.

This seems to explain what Jesus means when he says to God, “Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.” Jesus is not saying that God’s forgiveness is conditional upon our forgiving others. In the first place, forgiveness that’s conditional isn’t really forgiveness at all, just Fair Warning, and in the second place our unforgivingness is among those things about us which we need to have God forgive us most. What Jesus apparently is saying is that the pride which keeps us from forgiving is the same pride which keeps us from accepting forgiveness, and will God please help us to do something about it.

When somebody you’ve wronged forgives you, you’re spared the dull and self-diminishing throb of a guilty conscience.

When you forgive somebody who has wronged you, you’re spared the dismal corrosion of bitterness and wounded pride.

For both parties, forgiveness means the freedom again to be at peace in their own skins and to be glad in each other’s presence.

From Wishful Thinking: A Theological ABC by Fredrick Buechner. Harper & Row Publishers, New York, 1973.

After worship this week a couple of us hung around and as we walked out to the parking lot someone asked me a question concerning the litany this week. They were concerned with the line "Jesus says, do not forgive and forget, rather remember and reconcile." And we had a short discussion about it.

What does it mean to forgive and forget? Have you ever truly forgiven and forgot an injustice? Does the rape victim truly every feel comfortable in a dark alley? Does a retirement home resident ever forget the wrong her caregiver did to her? Does the theft victim ever forget the pain at losing a family heirloom? Does the survivor of the nazi concentration camp ever forget the smell of death burning in his nostrils as he shoveled his friends and community members into a mass grave? Does Jesus forget the cross? Does Jesus ask us to forget the cross?

The next line in the litany I think answers these questions - "The cross remembers – The empty tomb begins the reconciliation." To forgive and forget the cross is to forget the place and context of our salvation. For Christ does forgive us, but he goes the extra mile (that of death, and the resurrection) to re-establish the "friendship" even though he bears the "scars for life" as Buechner has put it so beautifully in the above article. We must allow the Gospel to begin to penetrate our lives by opening the sealed tombs of our lives. Those places where we have done or left done horrible wrongs - and accept God's forgiveness - God's friendship. And then quit resisting the irrestible grace of God and be reconciled with each other and, as well as, with God.

Then, the last line becomes self-evident. "May we forgive, with hope, remember with love, reconcile, and be made new in the terrifying and irresistible grace of God." Only the Easter story allows us to begin to see the possibilities of our pasts in light of the cross and resurrection. The Gospel is hope for the hopeless, love for the unloved, and reconciliation for those who are estranged - from themselves, each other and God.

Is it time for you to begin to remember and reconcile? Where is Christ calling you in your life to remember and reconcile? Any tombs that need to emptied? With boldness, I urge you to begin to share with someone where you need to hear the Easter story. You may find an empty tomb in your future and a new friendship with yourself, others, and yes, even God.